by i'll be okay

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i'll be okay recorded this album in their bedroom over the course of 2 days. it's not very good.


released February 3, 2015



all rights reserved


i'll be okay Kennewick, Washington

i'll be okay is the late-night project of a human in washington state.

i try really hard.

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Track Name: lungs
i have to write music
until blood drips from my hands
because when it goes quiet
i don't understand
maybe if i chug this pint of vodka
the words won't get past my tongue
maybe if i inhale enough smoke
it will kill (fill, heal) my lungs
Track Name: but no one is right when it comes to love
i am uninspired
i am nothing nice
i need to get higher
i need to feel light

i am running backwards
i turned out the lights
i want to be better
i want to be right

you think i don't notice
you think i'm to blame
you tell lots of people
you don't know my name

you say that you love me, but
you can sleep at night
you are nowhere near me, yet
you still think you're right

we see through tomorrow
we sleep through tonight
we are filled with sorrow
we both claim to bite

we still dance in circles
we don't feel the fright, but
we know we can't do this
'cause we both think we're right
Track Name: right here
you wrote down the hardest parts of loving me
but didn't want to let me see
'cause you knew that i'd just try to change
and you swore you loved me anyway
but yesterday it rained all day
so i snuck to your room to take a peak

and it said:
you second-guess every word i say
you hate yourself then claim it's okay
and i wish that you'd see different
but i don't want you to change
you wrote an entire goddamn book
saying how much you hate to look
in the mirror,
but love i'll stay right here

we spent the winter locked inside my room
listening to songs about swimming pools
and, jesus, how i loved every second
you told me not to lie and say i'm okay
but of course i did that anyway
so you covered my mouth
then opened your mouth to say:
Track Name: rag doll
guard rail
please go away
you are not
welcome here today
all you do is
get in my way
that's all there is to it
i've nothing left to say

can't you hear
my tired calls
this time i refuse to
just curl up in a ball
Track Name: i don't need you
Don’t you dare say that I’m not trying
cause I – promise I’m trying
just not the way you think I should be

and I
I’m getting sick of you
telling me exactly what I should do

I know
you think that I am slipping
but I’m not the one – whose life is going to hell

I have plans and hopes and dreams
and you don’t have any of those things
because you forced them all on me

Maybe someday you will see that I’m okay
I’m okay
I swear that I’m okay

And maybe one day you will say that you love me
and mean it
at least once

Cause you tried to ruin everything
that made me
you tried so hard – to kill me

But I know now that it was just cause you’re hurting
and I love you
but I don’t need you
Track Name: shrinking
I am drifting away from you
on purpose.
Please just leave me alone
'Cause I think it's working.
And maybe I am the fool.
In fact, that's probably true.
But I don't think I'm sorry,
At least not to you,
and I know that you're worried
Well I'm worried too.
But I continue to grow,
and then shrink and grow more,
and I'm over it.
So I'll suck in my gut
and punch
until I can't feel it.
Been wearing big sweaters
When it's summer outside,
I've been listening to songs
that hurt from inside,
and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry,
I know I'm an asshole,
but my mind is not here
it is locked in a barrel.
And I'm spinning,
I'm spinning,
and nothing makes sense
except shrinking
and thinking
that this is the best,
when I know that it's not
and I know that I'm not
and I know that we're not
but I'm trying.
And maybe I am the fool.
In fact, that's probably true.
But I don't think I'm sorry,
At least not to you.
And I know that you're worried
well I'm worried too.

And maybe I am the fool.
In fact, that's probably true.
But I don't think I'm sorry,
At least not to you.
And I know that you're worried
well I'm worried too.
I'm worried too.
Track Name: i'm sorry
Baby, these drugs make me crazy
I don’t call you, baby
I’m sorry I’m tired all the time

and baby, I’m so sick
of feeling, my mind isn’t
healing at all anymore

and baby, I’m sorry
I’m busy, I’m sorry
not hungry, I’m sorry,
just leave me alone

and baby, don’t look here
I know that I’m not rare
so baby, stop saying I am

oh baby, I’m trying
so tired of crying
and screaming and fighting
I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry